Monday, May 31, 2010,10:35 PM
return to brokeback mountian
well once again its on , I had taken a few days off and i apologize for this ,my adventures of course did not stop... so as you know i change the names to protect the guilty. Heres what has gone on in the life and times of one coffees1stluv. now this past Saturday coffees1stluv, awaiting , lil dimples, rkelly snapper , and iphone were all hanging at awaitings house. As always its never a dull time and this was no exception, Lil dimples had informed me earlier in the day that she had run int o the cowboy and that he was supposed to accompany her to her mothers house for a dinner. not a prob , im cool if one wants to hang with the court jester that is the cats meow. although he did not show , we had a great time at the moms and upon leaving proceeded to awaitings crib. now the hood has yet to fail me and this was no exception. being that it was late at nite and we had nowhere to go lil dimples once again mentioned cowboy, now if this was the God's of messy were smiling down a suggestion was made to go and get him. A plan was devised , lil dimple went to pick up cowboy and man it was on. now lil dimple is one cool laid back cat she doesn't bother anyone real sweet chap, she goes and picks up the fool who was drunk when she got there and they head for the store before returning , now once in th store lil dimple calls to get our order see of there was anything we wanted, i placed a order in for a snickers ice cream bar ( when your hungry why wait) and a bottle of mascotto, sounds easy right , wrong the fool that is the cowboy was so drunk he i didn't get it , so i settled on wine coolers. flash forward and the lil dimples is telling me that cowboy is now channeling the karate kid and is doing his karate moves in the store. wait it gets better , when they finally make it to the house hes all smiles and giggles and without much prompting proceeds to attempt to strip. Now i use this word as a disclosure if you have ever seen stripping you would be aware that it is not going to consist of a short man in lil boy khaki shorts, p.e. pulled up white socks, and some of the old mister roger sneakers. wait for it it gets better. he dances well attempts to dance by knelling down on his heels and gyrating in his thick soles , then it happened the man became the lord of the dance . i swear to you the only visual aid i can give you would be imagine if you would a little short man in his sons khaki short pants the kind that come to your knees, your old p.e. white gym socks the kind that come up to your calf and no shirt, yes now what you have it , imagine the man doing a little leprechaun dance . priceless. the best part he does acrobatics ( badly mind you ) he proceeds to take his nub of a leg and kick it over my head as i was laying down on the bed and kicks me in the shoulder. not one to be deterred by a little kick he moves on and does his dance of the little khaki pants men. ...... i tell you the return to brokeback mountain was not a trip that will be put on the summers best places to visit. it was like when you stand in line at the amusement park and you ride the ride that was all hype, you realize then that the best part of the day was hot dog you had earlier...... till next time bat-fans 2 sugars 3 creamers and ill holla
Wednesday, May 26, 2010,8:51 PM
So I met this guy online ……
So I'm at home thinking to myself about old times and missed chances and I remembered this one time, in the hood …. So once again its on its that time of year again, a good old American holiday is coming up, Memorial Day followed by Independence Day. Its so funny that these days make me remember a throwback. An old style you ask no I mean one of those men who was so smooth that once you meet them you should throw them back. So awaiting well she's not exactly a hopeless romantic, but she is one of those girls you see on an ad for match.com …..Let me go back, awaiting had been on line with this chap: green card, well he seemed to be a nice enough fellow, seeing as how most potential serial killers are always described that way. Well so awaiting and green card had been talking for quite some time when he got the brilliant idea of letting the man come to visit her. Even better than this lets put him up in her mother's house .Now at this point I'm thinking shall we gather by the river because that's where we will find your body. But I digress, so the fateful day arrives and green card is here. Originally from Nigeria, Africa has got a mad thick accent to the point where he can be the bushman people. Yet I digress again. Fast forward 2 days and I get the pleasure of meeting the man, initially he seem to be cool , but so is a Venus fly trap right before it eats the fly. Now day 3 that's where the excitement comes in, now awaiting is tired of green card he's not as exciting as he was on-line ( shock of all shocks I know) when I coffees1stluv get a call saying that I am needed , never mind that its 2 am, so I rush over what could be going on, questions , no answers … Making it to the door I am greeted by green card who welcomes me and proceeds to pull me into a lizard flavored kiss, OMG I t was nasty , never mind the fact that he was not here to see me he was here for my friend now hes darting his lizard tongue in my mouth. After the shock of the moment, he goes bigger; he then proceeds to explain to me that he will ……. Wait for it; Pay me to marry him so that he can get permanent status in the country. WOW! I KNOW! and we are worried about illegal immigration from Arizona and Texas, well I have an illegal in my midst , well his visas still good for a couple of months but the point is , this crazy fool just asked me to marry him for a green card. Now at the time I was involved with mumbles86, informing him of this he casually explains that this is just business and that he would be more than willing to explain this to him. WELL DAM! And to top off the madness it was an offer that I had to sit back and consider, seeing as how I have no marriage to speak of what's a proposal of marriage between people who just met 2 days ago. I'm telling you anytime you have your friend call you up and tell you , So I met this guy on line , be aware , head my tale , he may be a green card in disguise … remember 2 creamers 3 sugars and ill holla
Sunday, May 23, 2010,10:55 AM
hellen keller, lil baby daddy, lil drops of rain
well its that time again :HOOD WARS : dam I swear to you if you have a friend, family member or just know someone who lives in a hood go and visit. Cuz there is nothing more entertaining then watching people who have nowhere to be in the morning spend there nights and days creating there own reality shows.... So as always its coffees1stluv and you know i got to change the names to protect the guilty .. we have some new people on the canvas , last nite it popped off lil baby daddy came to get his kids from there mother.. Now don't get all up in arms this man was prev a guest of the state of MS and all the while she had been chilln in the hood , not a prob she was keeping her kids nasty.Now there in lies the problem. So Lil baby daddy baby mother is Helen keeler( and i know this is not pc ) so get over it .. n e ways Helen Keller was a hollering last nite , but the tripped out part was that she was not so mad that her kids were being taken in the middle of the night by there father , no it was that he came over to begin with ... if that don't be the cheese on the toast i don't know what is.. now the thing about last nite was Lil baby daddy while he was doing a good thing getting his chaps and all he was drunk.. and he s the kinda drunk that will get ur a&^ just cuz he perceive something. Man he was yelling at old e told him that ole classic .. im put you in a pamper messing with me , you not sneaky im sneaky .. im telling you .. this cannot be made up this ish is real .. HBO don't have this. trust. So all this time of course awaiting, lil orphan k, CNN , bobby , mumbles86, pdiddy, toothless wonder, and the rest of the strays are watchin the evens unfold. You know its some thing about watchin a car crash its a horrible thing but u just cant help to slow down and take a look... Man lil baby daddy came and got his kids called his daddy , and went back to kick the dam gryl door in .. it was hood classic. All the while a lil drop of madness hit the kid. Wham! mumbles86 approached coffees1stluv on some try songz ish: lets get it in for the last time .. needless to say I contemplated it , should , would , could I , Im celibate its wrong , but alas when in Rome buy something , so yes I'm back no longer celibate, pressure free and happy . HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN !!!!!!!!!!!! so like a good Disney tale a life was in danger , but untimely good triumphed over evil and a a song was sung ..... What's the song you ask ... well i think it was party in the USA miley cyrus : i know it was a weird nite , so im just gonna grab a cup and go gve me 2 sugars 3 creamers and ill holla
Friday, May 21, 2010,10:29 PM
dirty berries,bad roast , and threats
well well well its a lovely day in the neighborhood, that was until i ate some of those dam dirty berries and some old roast that was in the fridge... man my stomach was hurtin! the dirty berries were a givin , they have been washed and were just sitting there but the roast, why did the meat turn on me... I hear your thoughts : what the hell were you doing eating old roast, well its not like that , the roast had only been cooked what 4 days ago... but that is a lesson learned for me. As I am no w in a place of peace : translation I am no longer sitting on the toilet praying like a whore in church for my gut not to fall out.... And then there was one : the topic of todays O NO HE DIDN'T: THREATS : Mumbles86 he prides himself on being the man . well as much of a man as one can be when they own nothing , have no set home , have to basically be a low rent gigolo for older women can be , but i digress , now mublems86 and I had dated for 5 years , we are no more , now he wants to be that child on the playground that has no idea on how to express themselves to the girl they like so they pull her hair .. remember them .. well mublems86 is that man : he told CNN ( of course ) that he would choke coffees1stluv( me) when he saw me again.. well being that he saw me last nit e and im bloggin here guess its safe to say OJ 0 coffees1stluv 100% good times , i think the dirty berries may have given me strength.. you better have some : until next time ladies and gents 2 sugars 3 creamers and ill holla
Wednesday, May 19, 2010,12:06 AM
sweet dreams
Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, once again its on in coffee talks neighborhood. So my best friend milkfat come to town and we hung out like to sagging ninnies. Child we did it big that chap rented a hotel room and we just chilled. We had a ghetto adventure, let me explain . Being that it was midnight and we were hungry we headed to hardees to eat some vittles. So we order our food the big chicken fillet, had to make certain to tell them to give us the big hormone inflated chicken so that we could get our monies worth . So while waiting in a line of one , a car was in front of me, big body Cadillac with peaches across the back windshield, so naturally I had to speak , Hey peaches grly , not thinking she heard me my grly and I chuckle. O gingersnaps that chap leans over to the side of her mirror gives that prison ima shank a b(*&^ look and says who is this : well dam I'm in a state of dam didn't think she speak so I just have to laugh it off , my bad saw the car just wanted to speak .Adventures no matte where you go they happen. So when we get back to the hotel the big chicken is smashed and so delicious it musta been pumped with the right hormones cuz this chap had a crazy dream. Picture it the hood 2010 I'm fighting clepto one of our local crack heads who can steal your name if its in your pocket , awaiting is sitting by aimlessly , milkfat is in the corner smoking on a cig all slow and cool , then states to me go on and dog walk her... now why she do that I tell you this is a sweet dream got a gryl fighting in my sleep.... mumbles86 comes by to drag me to the top of stair, thereby leaving milkfat who is too cool to finish her cig and proceeded to knock $1.20 out of ole grly ,beat that chap for change ... but alas it was all a dream induced by a big chicken hormone filled fillet form hardees...... next time i go ill make certain to add cheese ... as always sugars 3 creamers and ill holla
Sunday, May 16, 2010,11:00 PM
coffe with a side of milkfat
so as always the names are changed to protect the guilty so my best friend milk fat came to town last night and it was so great to see my girl , until she dropped the bomb of all bombs on me ...What could it be you ask with a bated breath .. Pregnant , dying , found a lover in a down low situation .. no none of these things.. she came to me with lets be ...... CELIBATE... ABSTINENCE.. no sex !!!!!!!!! i KNOW .. Ill give you a min my mind took a min to digest this as well .. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with not getting any in order to come closer to yourself and put thing in perspective , but I an now a 30 yr old woman and down to last tow o good eggs being that the others are dust and the thought f taking away my sex life is well frankly it is like having lettuce for dinner when the whole table orders steak. So because she is my girl and I also took time to listen to her reasons I agreed. I wanted to make this known to all of you out there in case my writing tends to lean on the side of angry black woman , I'm not angry just want my dam steak! Women and men as well we have become a group of people that has become to dependent on the physical and not the inner person. Now I'm certainly not trying to preach cuz I love the outside of the book , it s all p.c. to say beauty is skin deep : blah blah blah thats true but ugly is to the bone , but the point that I was going for is that if you find that you are in various relationships with the same script different cast then take a personal evaluation of yourself , sex is a weapon and with all weapons should be used responsibly. Dam trying to win the fight for love , win the war , they last longer and you get better gifts . .. mama said there would be days like this , but she never said that at 30 Id be trying the virgin thing again .. pray for ya gryl as I hold onto my self and find that one that will slay the dragons of my heart and knock the dust off my eggs lol till next time 2 sugars 3 creamers and ill holla
Saturday, May 15, 2010,8:17 PM
blackberry mollases
Once again its on as always the names are changed to protect the guilty. I know you out there in blog land are salivating waiting for me to spill my gut on the latest drama. Well so sorry to disappoint today was another ice cube ( good day) So awaiting, and I went out to the ole farm at my parents house and picked some blackberries. I'm not a country girl so this little brush with nature was fun but not an incident i am ready to repeat anytime soon. Today was hot and im a dark chocolate chap so the heat coupled with bending over picking will blackberries made me feel like i would have gladly shacked up with massa in the house with Rhett and miss Scarlett. If you ever do get a chance to pick dirty berries in the hot sun don't pass it up , its alot of fun and the bugs are nice .. till next time 2 sugars 3 creamers and ill holla .............
Friday, May 14, 2010,8:59 PM
save a horse ride a cowboy
Big and rich made a song save a horse ride a cowboy , love the tune and until recently was all about cowboys , that is until i met a fake ass Georgia boot wearing one for real . Now don't get me wrong I cannot and do not place his faults on my fellow cowboys. This one through me fr a loop though , now initially when i met him it was all good , he was respectful to a point. You know how the men come onto you all nice and then come in for the kill when im gonna get a chance to hit it ... O NO ! well that was red flag number 1 , but like most I trotted along the yellow brick road and joined him in his comfort zone crazy town . While there I learned some very interesting things the most important being that when you hear something remember it and learn form it .Maya Angelou once said when someone tells you w ho they are believed them , well cowboy hes a nut , and not in a funny ha ha sort of way , in a Ive known you 3 weeks i love you , text you call you a bitch and them call you back to apologize , stay drunk , wear outfits that look like i work as a camp counselor on the weekends, live with my brother , got issues because of a divorce , ADD, sort of way. So ladies if you ever run across a man riding a horse in some Georgia boots , with your little brothers khaki pants on and he refers to you over and over as darlin , RUN LIKE HELL HES CRAZY! next time I think ill just ride the horse to another man and leave the cowboy on broke back mountain... till that time comes 2 sugars 3 creamers and ill holla
Thursday, May 13, 2010,9:13 PM
lack of rain
Now with me i have a code word for sex, lovemaking , whoopee ... i call it rain Keep this term handy in case you may be one day talking to your gryl about that guy or grly that rocked your world ... let them know u gonna get sum rain , and depending on how good it can go from scattered showers to hurricane Katrina RIGHT .. well tonight i live and breathe dam desert air... i have a tremendous lack of rain .. now at one point my 10 forecast was great, the weatherman came on and everyday was looking good. Now well i have no clouds in th sky , lack of rain is B&^% and that is what makes for an angry woman .... So if you happen to be in the area and you see a short dark skinned chap doing the jig don't worry its just me doing the rain dance .... till next time 2 sugars 3 creamers and ill holla
,4:28 PM
lil drops of madness
so as usual the names are changed to protect the guilty , so I consider myself to be an independent free thinking woman but every now and then I find that I fall victim to Lil drops of madness .
Lil drops of madness can occur at any moment , its just that moment when you know when you have no dam business doing what your are entertain in your mind but like an R Kelly song your mind is telling you no but your body is telling you yes .. My Lil drop of madness occurred today when I saw my ex .. mumbles86.. Now that we are no longer together he seems to have a certain appeal to him , And don't get me wrong he is an ex for all the right reasons. this is not a situation in which one should back peddle, but I have found that I just wanna have the weight of this man on me. If thats not a Lil drop of madness , no emotion just for the pure physical and just to know that I can. Women or even you men if you have ever run across this just incorporate that old mantra : just say no ! Never look back less you are turned to salt . Hell going back can go from a Lil drop of madness to a whole thunderstorm ... well for now thats all I have , had to get it off my chest ... till nest time 2 sugars 3 creamers and ill holla .....
,12:11 AM
Family Blogs End Marriages...
Why oh why are there so many family blogs????
Not like I want to read about your family, look at your family, or skip past your family while clicking Next Blog.
Sometimes I want to deep fry my head in a batch of McDonald's fry grease because I can't stand the sugary sweetness that is a family blog.
FYI to the wife who probably created said blog: He cheating on you, girl!! He gots him another woman!!
Probably all those pics you are posting done drove the man to adultery. A real woman would be freaking instead of posting.
**Don't talk shit, I have no man, so I can post. I have an excuse. Shite.*
Now quit uploading all those photos of Jim, Susy and Electra because we don't want to see their coloring pages, piss pot pics or their birthday party madness. K? Thnx.
Not like I want to read about your family, look at your family, or skip past your family while clicking Next Blog.
Sometimes I want to deep fry my head in a batch of McDonald's fry grease because I can't stand the sugary sweetness that is a family blog.
FYI to the wife who probably created said blog: He cheating on you, girl!! He gots him another woman!!
Probably all those pics you are posting done drove the man to adultery. A real woman would be freaking instead of posting.
**Don't talk shit, I have no man, so I can post. I have an excuse. Shite.*
Now quit uploading all those photos of Jim, Susy and Electra because we don't want to see their coloring pages, piss pot pics or their birthday party madness. K? Thnx.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010,11:11 PM
classic tragedy
So once again it on... I am coffees1luv coming at you from the great state of MS .. today in an exciting adventure of hood tales and other sorted events i will bring you the story f a young man gone wrong and all the funny shit in between the sandwich of life....
Now with me the names are changed to protect he guilty ... the cast of characters is unique , we have mumbles86 n ow he is my ex , the name derives form the fat that well shit he mumbles and he is stuck-in a constant time warp of 1986 , hence the name , awaiting my partner in crime , CNN the local teen who seems to have the fat ( never the skinny)on everybody , Lil orphan k : CNN baby daddy (homeless and alone) , skittle (awating's ex ) dresses like everyday is a day to taste that dam rainbow, rkelly snapper : she loves them young and states that she has that snap that keeps them coming back (Right) now right now shes involved with shawshank ( self explanatory) but for you slow ass mofo's hes locked up , cowboy, and just today we have juvie.
Shakespeare said All the world is a stage and all it men are merely players, this is so true as the cast in the play of my life appear to be classic tragedies.... Now today was my ice cube ( it was a good day ) went to work got off early even better decided to hang with awaiting .. Cool.. until the point when her chap came in and infomred us if hte police presence .. being that we are bored and well just eager to see someone get stuck on the train track of life we go outside to be nosy.
Classic tragedy yet another one our youths being detained by the police .. Initially it was just a convo with juvie and officers , being that they have history and all. Mind you juvie well he knows the system so he talking and attempts to give his prepaid legal advice that he cannot be searched ... Well the plot then thickens he walked away ... OMG ! I know so what are the police to do you ask ? Well bum rush his little a%$ thats what , now juvie who had a backpack full of lions tigers and bears o my threw that mutherfunker ! Yes now for my criminally minded this is a no no ... well that leads to the arrest .. end of the tell of course not ... granted we are in the hood and the weather is nice so like a reverse roach all the residents come to see this event in motion... Juvie is the man ! he has to be forced into the back of the car , then once in well this , i cant even put this in words .....
BOOM BOOM POW : i know what the chicken lives ! that dam boy bust the window out the car.. now see thats what happens when you take Jasmine Sullivan to dam far ! So of course because of this you have to get him , meanwhile his mother clepto ( that b*&^%) can steal your kidney in your sleep has been in the house chillin , maybe enjoying the comfort of a big ole rock .. comes outside in an O LAWD DON'T TAKE MY BABY moment ! its what my girl awaiting calls shitastic! and well it just is .. now all of this on a wed... what does one do for an encore ...
until next time
