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Wednesday, November 28, 2012,7:06 PM
you cant make this ish up .. baconater and gunshots
So my loves the  coffee is  a  brewing and apparently I have   fu%$#* up and let this is spill , cuz all the raw sugar has fell out of the packet. I cant make this ish up , so yesterday the  kid  was simply leaving work same  schedule every day when  all of the sudden  im hearing horns, what in the french toast  is going on  I turn around only to see this   good looking cup of caramel macchiato flagging me down , holing up his ring finger , hes   doing his  damest to  get me to  answer , being the  good Samaritan that  I am I decided to follow him to the gas station. Now lets set the table ... here he  is in the car me  in mine  we roll down our windows ( i felt like i was in the heart to heart  opening)  all  you old heads know what i mean , yet i digress ,  he   looks at me with his premium roast eyes and proceeds to tell me this ...  man i  had to stop you miss lady to tell you how fine  you are , i felt that if i didn't get a chance to tell u that my day wouldn't  right. Well.. Well .. Well aren't we a smooth criminal . What happened you ask  .. dare i say i gave him my number, dare i say that as we drive away me on my way to Walmart him to his  destination  i was  grinning like a treasure cat  i mean  ear to ear. Dont  get it twisted coffees1stluv is no slouch im a  straight quarter working on  a dollar status ,but the recession has hit me  hard and the  coffee was  reduced from  stark bucks to  store  bought . No sooner than I  get to Walmart then i  receive a phone call.. Hello ms lady this is .... had to thank you once again for allowing me to  pleasure of talking to you .. blah blah blah , i know hes laying it on thicker than caro syrup on a  pecan pie  but hell  im up  for a meal. Scene 2 :  we have now set up a meeting to meet ... i know    cue in the  hearts and  puppies .. the moment has finally arrived ive  prepped and now i  will meet you again for the very first time. This feels like match .com has  come to  my home and said  here's a free  trail of  man ,  granted  you've only met him one time and you were both in your car , then it happens the knock at the door.. i open the door with  breathless anticipation , i open the door im  r kelly coming out of the closet the climax is  building ,  and  what in the  french toast .. before me is the same  cute carmel maccchiato with the  premium roast eyes  but  hes stadling before me with  one  leg crooked, let me  describe my visual his  leg looks like a broken toothpick  and  what makes it worse is as he proceeds to wiggle in the door  he states , oooh yea  i had  got shot a couple mnths ago and  just  done use the crutches. now lets  not  get this  twisted im all  for my handicappable  peers, but this was a trip he has use of the one leg  and instead of  walking with a limp he has proceeded to  now wiggle around like a worm on two feet.. this was a painful  looking experience. Now this is  where the coffee went  from hot to stale , so it turns out what took you so long to get to me is that you state you have a girlfriend  you don't want to mess up home ( ooh did i mention the backpack with the change of clothes and a condom) and  your  Oliver twist tales continue. 1  meeting at the  store after being flagged down by a gunshot victim and hearing his  tale of woe after he tries to sleep with you .. priceless.. you cant make this ish up, I only share these things with you to keep you abreast  of the  excitement that is me. Later that same night ( yea I said it .. adds to the drama) my  gryl  shorty is doing my hair and textting a paramour  Being that he is  in pursuit of her and hunger was upon us we  requested that he perform the mission of all missions... go  good son and  don't come bck until you have conquered the baconater cheeseburger for us .. simple..... NO .. this  became the   request to end all requests , the text which just  minutes before were coming faster than bombs over Baghdad have halted... he is now  stating that he will never pay for a girl and that  how dare you  ask for  such a thing. Turns out that he was  needing permission to use his moms car for the nite and being that it was late  curfew was near. So here I sit no baconater in my hand still in hot pursuit of one  but what i  do have and  will not let go of is that  coffee so till next time  jus gve me 2 creamers 3 sugars and ill holla .....
posted by Jamino Brown
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